Oh baby, we're in trouble
by animekisses
Summary: Imagine the chaos that would ensue when a crying baby is found by the Captains and Lieutenants of Seireitei. Now imagine when they are informed that they must care for the small infant in an attempt to form bonds with each other. Multiple Pairings. Hiatus.
1. Chapter 1

**DISCLAIMER: **I don't own Bleach in any way shape or form. I do, however, own the scenarios I'm putting the characters through. Tite Kubo owns the characters; I'm simply borrowing them and using them for entertainment purposes. I will try and have them back before the next chapter of Bleach.

**Oh baby, we're in trouble…**

**Chapter one: How the punishment came to be.**

Genryūsai Yamamoto had seen many things in his long life. He had watched as Ryoka invaded Seireitei to save Kuchiki Rukia, the betrayal of Captains Sosuke Aizen, Ichimaru Gin, and Tosen Kaname, his remaining captains battle and lose against the Espada and traitors, the return of the Visored's, and the imprisonment of Aizen. Yes, he had seen many things. But never, _never_, had he been so pissed.

"None of you have the right to call yourselves Taichos of the Gotei 13!" He began furiously, "Zaraki, your division has had fourteen causalities from senseless fighting in _just_ the past week! Kyoraku you have had over Kami knows how many sexual harassment charges against you in the last _month_! Unohana, an enormous amount of complaints have come from squad eleven on how you perform _unnecessary_ surgeries on them! Hitsugaya, do I even need to cover the complaints that I received about your fukutaicho? Not only her, but you. We are tired of unfreezing your officers and barracks every time you get upset at Matsumoto! Kurotsuchi _none_ of your experiments are allowed to be performed on_ live _test subjects! Especially _unwilling_ ones! Kuchiki, just because the Shinigami's Women Association is using your manor as their headquarters does not give you the right to constantly destroy anything they build, and threaten Shihoin Yourichi's life. Honestly I don't want to deal with that woman!" Yamamoto roared in anger.

Although he left out three captains, it was more than apparent he was pissed, not even Shunsui dared to speak. When Yamamoto's reiatsu is flaring, you _do not_ mess with him. Calming himself, it almost looked as if a grin had replaced the contempt. _'Not good'_, all the Captains thought in horror. "Now, as punishment you will…"

****Flashback****

_It was a peaceful night in Seireitei. All divisions of the Gotei 13 were in a serene sleep; whether it be in the comfort of their beds or about two feet from their beds, where sleep overcame their intoxicated state. A night like this only came once in a century, nothing could disrupt such perfection._

_ Except for..._

_ "Is that a child wailing?" Acting Captain of division five, Lieutenant Hinamori Momo asked no one in particular. She had been awoken to the sounds of what she suspected to be an upset child. Although, upset seemed to be an understatement. It was an excruciating noise that had not only woken her up, but all of division five. _

_ "It appears to be, Hinamori-fukutaicho. Do you wish for us to find the source?" A close-by unseated officer asked. Momo simply nodded, causing the whole division to be in a shunpo frenzy. If they didn't find the noise soon, all of Seireitei would be up. Letting out an annoyed sigh, Momo joined the search._

_ "And I was having such a nice dream, too."_

_ Over at division eight, things weren't going any better. Ise Nanao had been shaking her passed-out-drunk Captain for the last ten minutes, since she had been brought out of her wonderful dream by a horrible screeching. She ordered the rest of her division to search and find the noise as she tried to notify Captain Kyoraku about the strange disturbance. Tried being the keyword._

_ "Kyoraku-taicho, you nee- Ah!" Nanao cried in surprise as two strong arms suddenly wrapped themselves around her. Her face was now being crushed into her Captain's large, warm chest. She stiffened when he bent his head down to smell her hair._

_ "Dear sweet Nanao, I expected you to be tired from the first two rounds." His sleep-induced self chuckled. Shunsui, the poor bastard, assumed that this was part of his dream. Unfortunately for him, it wasn't, and Nanao did not take kindly to the fact that her so called "captain" dreamt about such lewd things, and with __**her**__, nonetheless._

_ Let's just say that poor Shunsui was awoken with the help of "The Encyclopedia of Kido", a blow horn, and a pissed off woman's reiatsu. The rest can be left to your imagination._

_ "My lovely Nanao-chan, how creative you are in __**everything**__ you do." Shunsui informed her, putting extra emphasis on everything; still thinking about his earlier dream. That, however, did not slip past the acute ears of his scorned Lieutenant, earning him another bruise. _

_ Rangiku was running around in pure excitement. She hadn't been this overjoyed in a long time. In fact, the last time she was this happy was when she beat Kyoraku in a drinking contest._

_ "Taicho, taicho! Did you hear that? It sounds like a baby; I love babies! They're so cute and cuddly, and their eyes are so bright and full of life!" Toshiro sighed as his Lieutenant went on and on about children. Ever since he had been wretched out of his perfect dream by his busty Lieutenant, this was the only thing she talked about. And honestly, he couldn't see what was so great about babies. Especially since the one that could be heard was wailing and screaming and just annoying! He was also curious as to how Matsumoto woke up from her drunken state, yeah it was loud, but from squad 10's barracks it was still faint. Plus when Matsumoto's passed out drunk, she is __**out**__! _

_ "Matsumoto how did you even wake up? I was able to sleep through the crying and I went to sleep myself. You passed out from your intoxication, when not even Ukitake's annoying third seats could wake you up!" He voiced his thoughts to her, stopping her on her baby rampage. Giving him a proud grin she replied simply, "my baby senses were tingling." Toshiro sweat dropped at how ridiculous that statement sounded. He decided not to push it any further partly because he really just wanted to find the kid and go back to bed, but mainly because she honestly did believe she had "baby senses"._

_Izuru Kira was dead tired. He had spent the last twenty minutes searching for a child that never ceased its constant bawling. Honestly, how could it cry that loud for this long? And how come no one had found it yet? During his search he had wandered over to the fourth division, where he came across Lieutenant Kotetsu Isane. They had talked for awhile and he had been informed that all the divisions 10 and below had been awoken to the sound, and from there they woke up 11, 12, and 13. All divisions of the Gotei 13 had yet to find the child, a simple task like that and nothing. It was rather embarrassing, and he could tell that the squad members were deeply annoyed. So here he was, at 2 a.m. in the morning, searching for a baby, of all things, and having no luck at all. Yep, screw this day. _

_ "Kira-kun!" A familiar voice sang. He glanced out the corner of his eye to notice Momo running towards him. He smiled gently at her. "Kira, has your squad had any luck?" _

_ "Unfortunately no. I'm afraid we're not fairing any better than the other divisions. Due to the fact that the noise didn't reach divisions 11, 12, and 13, I believe that the child is somewhere between division 1 & 10."_

_ "Wow Kira! You've always been extremely smart!" Momo admired aloud with a bright grin. Kira felt his cheeks tint red, he was about to reply when they were interrupted. _

_ "They found it!"_

_ "Someone found the kid!"_

_ "The baby's been located!" Multiple people informed them through shouts of cheer. Momo grabbed a nearby unseated officers arm._

_ "What division found it and where?"_

_ "Division 12 did. I think they found it around squad 1's division, Hinamori-fukutaicho." Momo immediately let go of the officer and felt herself pale. Kira ran up beside her. _

_ "Who found it Momo?" Kira inquired. "Momo, what's wrong?"_

_ "Division 12, they're the ones who found it! Kami knows what they'll do to the poor child!" Momo panicked, her maternal side kicking in. Kira sighed, great, whenever Momo gets like this there's no stopping her. "We've got to go to Division 1 immediately Kira-kun!" And with that she shunpo'd away. _

_ Kira sighed sadly. "I guess I'm not getting any sleep tonight after all."_

_ Over at squad one Kurotsuchi Mayuri was making his way towards one of his squad members. He had recently been updated by his Lieutenant; Kurotsuchi Nemu, that Akon had come across the child that was annoying the living hell out of the Gotei 13. It excited Mayuri that his squad had found the child because now he could do with it as he pleased. His curiosity was spiked when he had heard how long the child had been crying; children had smaller lungs then adults, so it's air capacity was smaller, so for it to be crying that long non stop intrigued him. A creepy smile worked its way onto Mayuri's face as he ran through all the types of experiments he would perform on it._

_ As he approached Akon he took notice to his distressed facial expression. At second glance he noted that he was holding a small female infant with platinum blonde hair, reaching just above her ears. Closing in on the pair he also noticed her bright green eyes, they almost illuminated the night sky; though they were currently filled with tears as it screamed it's head off. He grunted in annoyance._

_ "Akon shut that thing up." He commanded. Akon searched his Captains face for any sympathy, and as he expected, found none. Honestly he had been trying to shut her up, but she refused and continued to bawl._

_ "I-I'm sorry K-k-kurotsuchi-taicho," he stuttered nervously, something he usually didn't do, "it's just that I don't know how." He found his composure and returned to his usual stoic self. Mayuri rolled his eyes, honestly did he have to do everything? Pulling a needle out of his lab coat; located under his Captains haori, he reached for the young girl._

_ "What th-" Mayuri began as a flash of wind and blur of black stepped in front of him and then disappeared. Akon gave him a confused look, looking from his now empty hands to his Captain. "Hinamori-fukutaicho, by taking that child, are you offering yourself as a replacement research subject?" Mayuri threatened in a bored tone, now turning his attention to Momo, who was standing in a nearby tree while holding the little girl. _

_ Her eyes dilated as she narrowed them at him, clearly pissed. It was unusual to see the normally gentle and polite Lieutenant so riled up; ever since the battle at fake karukura town and her initial recovery at division 12, she had reverted back to her normal self. Although she had spent twice a week for a year going to visit Unohana-taicho for therapy, she had blocked Aizen from her mind. It was a difficult and slow process for the girl who had been so blindly devoted to her former Captain, and had hurt many friends physically and mentally in the process. Momo's new resolve was to work her ass off, to earn her friends forgiveness and to become stronger; even though her friends had forgiven her, she had done nothing to earn that forgiveness. Along the way it had only strengthened her in every possible way._

_ "Research subject? Even I didn't think you were that sick Kurotsuchi-taicho." She hissed in disdain. He sighed, clearly annoyed and agitated at the girl. Kira had shown up not long after Momo, and now stood underneath the tree in which she was propped. He was on edge due to the fact that Kurotsuchi had always freaked him out, and now he was getting on his bad side. The things he did for his friends!_

_ Mayuri was about to open his mouth when a Hell butterfly landed on his shoulder. He glared at nothing in particular as he received the message. He turned around and began to stalk off when he added, "I have a Taichos meeting to attend. Akon, handle the situation in my absence." Pausing, he turned around with a maniacal grin on his face, "Any means necessary." That being said he shunpo'd away. Akon groaned, why the hell did he have to deal with two Lieutenants? And one who absolutely terrified him at the moment. _

****End Flashback****

Everyone stood quite in the Captains meeting room. Some in disbelief, others in... Yeah they were all in disbelief.

"Yami-jii, you have to be joking right?" Shunsui was the first to speak up. He voiced the question that everyone in the room was thinking.

Keeping his eyes closed as normal Yamamoto replied, "No Shunsui, I am being very serious. I believe this would be a great opportunity for you and your fukutaichos to learn some responsibility. Also, until we figure out what to do with the child I think this is the best use of it."

"You're going to let Kurotsuchi take care of a child?"

"Of course not!" Yamamoto responded, taken aback that Soi-fon; or anyone for that matter, would think that he was heartless and/or stupid enough to do such a thing. Regaining his composure he continued on, "Kurotsuchi will receive a different punishment. For the night I have given Hinamori-fukutaicho permission to care for the child." 'Mainly because she somehow managed to not only quiet the girl, but put her to sleep,' he added to himself. "Tomorrow I will send out Hell butterflies to you all, and I expect you and your fukutaichos to report here when you do. Kurotsuchi, Nemu-fukutaicho will be expected to show up. I believe that she is capable of caring for a child with the proper partner. Als-"

"Wait, does that mean we won't be paired with our fukutaichos!" Shunsui asked nervously. If he had to do this he thought as least this would be more personal and intimate time with Nanao. And just the thought that his Nanao-chan could be paired with any other of the male Captains or Lieutenants upset him. Especially since it was to raise a baby! This was his perfect opportunity to show Nanao his mature and responsible side; he wanted this. No he _needed_ this.

Yamamoto sighed. "Not necessarily Shunsui. The system I developed will pick your partner at random, so there is a slight possibility that you may end up with your fukutaicho, though it seems that won't be likely."

An audible sigh of relief could be heard from Captains Hitsugaya and Kuchiki, causing some of the other Captains to snicker. Shunsui, who normally would've joined in, was spaced out, disturbed that he might not end up with Nanao.

"Dismissed!" Yamamoto bellowed, forgetting whatever else he had planned on saying. One by one the Captains left the room, returning to their divisions. Some had gone to sleep that night with peaceful thoughts, others with impartial, some with annoyed, while one had drank himself to sleep distressed. In a mere four to six hours they would be up and deal with the ups and downs of parenthood. Suddenly all eight participating Captains shot up in bed horrified.

"Parenthood?"

**A/N: Okay, so this is my first fanfic… Ever! I'm very happy with the outcome and the overall plot. I have a lot of ideas and scenarios planned out for this story and can't wait to put them to action. Note that this fanfic's staying T rated because their will be no lemons. Sorry to disappoint some of you pervs, it's just not my writing style. But there will be tons and tons of fluff to make up for it, and possible mentions of sexual situations. Please review and tell me what you thought, criticism is welcomed. No flaming! Encouragement to keep me writing this fic is welcomed with open arms. Until next time!**


	2. The Great Noble Falls

**A/N:** Woot new chapter! Hope you enjoy, and I'll try and have a new chapter up at the very least once a month. School has been taking my free time but I won't forget this story. Enjoy~!

**Disclaimer:**

I don't own Bleach in any way shape or form, and make no profit from this fanfic. I simply kidnap the characters and force them to play out the original scenarios I have created for them.

**Warning:**

This chapter contains spoilers for the lost shinigami representative badge arc and Unohana smiling. You have been warned.

It had not been a good morning for Kuchiki Byakuya. Since the previous night he knew his life was not going to be easy sailing, but he was not expecting this. The shinigami women's association was having their meeting in his manor, and at such an early hour. Okay so he was expecting them to ruin his day, but not this early. This was defiantly not good. For one of the women in the club: Matsumoto Rangiku, to be up at such an hour left the Noble with an ominous feeling.

Hiding his reiatsu, the Noble leaned in closer to the door, his ears perked with interest as to why a meeting was being held. Plus he had nothing better to do. The first thing he heard was giggling. Giggling? Not good. Listening closer he heard voices.

"So~ who do you want to get paired with Isane-chan?" The distinct voice of Rangiku pestered. More giggles were heard but he couldn't make out a response. It was silent for a while longer.

"I-I'ts not like I have a c-choice… As long as it's not Kurotsutchi-taicho, I'd be happy,"

"Aww, come on Isane! Are you sure there isn't anyone?" The 10th divisions Lieutenant teased.

"Now Matsumoto-san, I'd advise that you don't pester my fukutaicho like that." Unohana warned, causing the whole manner to grow cold. The Noble had to stop himself from shuddering at the thought of _that_ smile.

Rangiku sighed; she knew when she'd lost. "Well how bout you Rukia? Anyone in particular you'd like to raise a baby with?" Byakuya's whole body tensed at those words, finally putting one and one together. Now that his sister was a Lieutenant, she would have to partake in this sick exercise Captain Commander was forcing them to do. It took all his strength to suppress his reiatsu, clearly pissed that his sister would raise a child, and possibly with a man!

"I guess with nii-sama, we already live together and it'd be like we were raising a baby sister together," she responded thoughtfully, easing the Nobles discomfort. "But," he froze. 'But?' he thought in horror. "I wouldn't mind being with Renji, we are childhood friends. Plus he and I helped out the kids in the Rukongai, so we sort of have experience in this stuff."

"Ruki-bunny likes fake eyebrows! Maybe some day they can have real babies together!"

"Y-y-yachiru-chan! I-I uh, I don't like Renji like that! I'm simply saying we're child hood friends and that-"

"Abarai would be a fine match with you." Unohana added, Nanao agreeing with a yes.

"But I'm telling you I don't lik-"

"It's not a real surprise. We've all known Renji has the hot's for her, it's about time she finally admitted it too, it's so annoying waiting for these things to happen on their own."

"Rangiku! I'm telling you all," At that point Byakuya had had enough, if he stayed any longer his reiatsu would explode, blowing up his manor and everyone in it. The Noble steadily walked away, eyes closed, as he took deep calming breaths. To anyone else he would look like his normal, calm, stoic self, but on the inside it was a warzone. He pitied the next person he saw.

"Oi taicho, I've been looking for you!" Renji called from down the hall. Time was not on Abarai Renji's side today. It would seem as if he did something to piss it off, because when the great noble Kuchiki Byakuya is angry and looking to vent, it would be bad to send the source of his anger straight to him.

Renji, oblivious to his Captains anger, ran up to him with the documents he had been told to deliver. As he closed in on his captain, he wasn't quite sure if it was just his imagination or what, but it looked as if his captain had stuck his foot out in front of him. Of course he didn't have much time to think as he toppled over, watching the neatly stacked and organized four hours of hard work fly out of his grasp.

Landing on his knees he cocked his head at an angle to see his Captain calmly looking as if nothing had happened. Blinking rapidly he stuttered, "Uh, T-t-taicho, u-um,"

"Abarai-kun, gather all the paper-work you clumsily dropped, organize it, and leave it on my desk. After that meet me on the training grounds in one hour." He commanded.

Renji stared at him in pure disbelief. One hour? All that paperwork was done in four hours and only because Ichigo had introduced him to the living worlds creation called 'coffee'.

"But Taicho,"

"One hour, Abarai."

"Yes Taicho." Renji sighed in defeat. This was going to be a long day.

Renji had been so wrong when he thought this day was going to be long. It was flipping never going to end! After finishing the paperwork in an hour and ten minutes he scurried to the sixth's training grounds. To his dismay his Captain had meant it when he said one hour. As punishment for not being on time Byakuya decided that they would fight with their bankai. It was truly a painful day.

"Abarai." His Captains harsh voice brought him out of his self-loathing.

"Yes?" Renji looked up at his Captain and noticed the hell butterfly on his shoulder. "Thank God!" Renji thought to himself. "The hell in that meeting room will be better than the hell here."

Byakuya looked, or rather glared, at his naïve lieutenant.

"Follow."

The noble felt very proud of himself. He had taken almost all his anger out on Abarai without killing him. Though it might have been easier to kill him, at least all his anger would be gone then. "Though applying for a new fukutaicho is a long process." He mused aloud.

"Taicho?" Renji questioned from behind him. He decided to ignore him; his lieutenant was paranoid enough as is.

They had been walking to the meeting hall, as most were, instead of a shunpo because every one wanted to take as much time as possible. Byakuya was dreading every step closer to the hall, with each one he took the horrors that awaited him became ever more clear in his mind.

He shuddered at some of the things that ran through his head. He didn't want to think about who he'd be paired with. His sister was his first choice, his second being Abarai: anything to keep him away from his sister.

"Taicho, are you feeling alright?" Renji asked, noticing the sudden spike in his Captains reiatsu.

Again, Byakuya choose to ignore him. "We're here." Renji pronounced somberly. With a deep sigh from both, they walked into the room.

"Now that you all are here, we can begin." Yamamoto's voice boomed at the head of the room. The Captains; minus Kurotsuchi, were lined up in their respective positions, their Lieutenants standing diligently by. Well all the Lieutenants except Rangiku who stood with a slouch. "Due to the fact that you all haven't been performing at the levels that Taichos and Fukutaichos should, I have decided on a system that will not only form bonds with your division comrades, but also other divisions. I have developed a sophisticated system of picking your partners with the help of substitute shinigami Kurosaki Ichigo. I am told this is a popular method for choosing partners in the world of the living."

That perked the curiosity of most in the room; they wouldn't associate the word sophisticated with Ichigo.

Yamamoto continued on. "The female child you are to take care of has a small presence of reiryoku and therefore will need to be fed. Tomorrow I expect all of you to come in with one name per person so we can name her."

"Naming a baby? Oh how fun! I want to have a baby of my own. Who wants to have a baby with me?" Rangiku interrupted. The room was silent for a second as everyone tried to process what the Lieutenant was saying. Her Captain, chewing her out for her disruption, interrupted the silence. "So mean Taicho~" She whined but was then quiet.

Choosing to ignore this Yamamoto picked up where he left off. "Let us begin. Saskibe." And on cue Lieutenant Saskibe entered the room, holding something in his hands, but Byakuya couldn't make it out. Taking the now visible objects out of his Lieutenants hand he looked at all of those lined up. "We will pick sticks, whoever has the same size as you will be your partner," Byakuya and everyone else sweat dropped at the "sophisticated system". "And the two with the shortest will be the first to care of the girl. Odds first!"

All the odd numbered Lieutenants walked up, each grabbing a stick out of the old mans hand, none comparing yet. "Evens!"

And with that all the sticks were out of his hands and into theirs. They all stood in their respective positions, when Yamamoto gave them a nod and there was a frenzy. Byakuya walked up to his sister, compared, walked away disappointed, approached his Lieutenant, walked away, and stood waiting for things to clear up. When everyone had found his or her partner, he looked at the pairs that had been made.

Soi-fon and Zaraki, Izuru and Hinamori, Unohana and Ukitake, Abarai and his sister; that one caused his reiatsu to spike, Iba and Komamaru, Kyoraku and Ise, Hisagi and Kotetsu, Hitsugaya and Kurotsuchi-fukutaicho, and Kusajishi and Omeada.

Byakuya blinked wearily at the voluptuous woman who stood smiling in front of him. The last person left was none other than squad ten's lazy Lieutenant, Matsumoto Rangiku, holding the shortest stick that matched his.

"Damn't."


End file.
